March 18, 2018
Recently I had the fantastic opportunity to travel to the Big Island of Hawaii for a Master Healer Retreat with eight other magically energetic women. This trip was going to be transformational for me, of that I was certain. I guess I should have known that the island of Madame Pele the goddess of fire would include a burning off of things I no longer needed.
On Saturday February 10th, my alarm went off at 6:30 AM. Why so early you ask? Weren’t you on vacation? Yes, however it was my morning on breakfast duty to begin at 7AM, master healer women aren’t just lazing about in the sun you see. Haha! I picked up my phone and lazily paged through things trying to convince myself to hit the shower.
The peaceful sound of the ocean waves washing over the lava stone beach was suddenly interrupted by the squawk of air brakes locking up on some sort of large vehicle trundling down the road. I could hear idling outside so went to the window to see what it was. There I saw a garbage truck blocking the exit to our driveway. My mind did a small exploration. “Oh, it must be garbage day. Hmm, we don’t have trash out, so I wonder why it is stopped there. Then oh my, there is something burning.” In the second it took me to tap the camera app on my phone the spark turned into what you see below.
I closed all the windows in my room and ran down the stairs to waken Bonnie. She would know what to do and who to call. Poor woman, I woke her from a peaceful state with “OMG Bonnie! Do they use 911 here? You need to get up! You need to call if they do! There’s a fire. Everyone needs to get dressed, grab their passport and get out of the house!”
I ran about closing windows and calling to the other ladies. Then I ran upstairs, quickly got dressed, grabbed the necessities and headed back down the stairs. Bonnie instructed us to head out through the garage. We would have to go through the drainage ditch into the vacant parking lot to get away from possible danger. There was no other way out of the house.
We managed to get everyone to the parking lot. Hawaii showed how wonderful and efficient they are coming to the rescue rapidly. Everything and everyone was okay.
Things went back to almost normal. We were allowed to return to the house. We prepared and ate our breakfast and we were even done in plenty of time for our day’s adventure to listen to Hank Wesselman speak in a nearby town.
We sat around the table to catch our breath, discussing our gratitude for the firefighters, the police and the fact that this happened in early morning. You see, the wind usually rises up from the ocean except for early morning when it comes down from the mountains, blowing the flames and smoke away from us.
Bonnie joked about how absolutely panicked I was and how she had never seen someone in such a state before. Her intention was lighthearted and loving. However it was the thing that broke a dam of emotion inside of me. The tears began with no sign of stopping.
I went up to my bedroom with full intention of staying there and missing the day’s events. I was absolutely not okay. At the time, I didn’t understand why this was affecting me so badly. I mean, logically, everyone was okay. There wasn’t even any property damage. The driver of the auto was fine and in the grand scheme of things it really couldn’t have gone any better. Yet there I was, an absolute mess.
Latasha was the first to check on me. “Are you okay, Patty?” “No I am not.” “Can I come up?” “Yes, if you want to”.
She asked if she could lay hands on my feet and gently told me everything was alright, everyone was safe and I could just let go now. Bonnie appeared and sat beside me.
The words just tumbled out of me. The number of times I have called 911, the number of times I have run around trying to save people who I love. Dear reader, how many times have YOU called 911? My number is definitely over 20, perhaps nearing 30.
My father was a diabetic who pushed himself too hard. We would often find him in a state and have to call. My ex husband is an asthmatic and my youngest son is also a diabetic. I have called so many times. I have fought my anxiety over these incidents and done the things necessary to keep them alive sometimes fighting them in their delirium; please let me take your test… please drink this… please get in the ambulance so they can take care of you. So many times….
I went to paradise for a break, to be around loving like-minded souls and to emerge more grounded and whole than I arrived. Who knew there would be trial by fire.
Bonnie and Latasha were excellent in helping me talk and breath through all the pain in the present and the heartache in the past. Later that week, we did a Ti Leaf ceremony to let go of things that no longer serve us. I let go of the responsibility, the guilt, the panic and the need to stay calm outside when inside I just wanted to scream. I let go and gave my trauma to the sea.
It didn’t take long after coming home for a test to see how I’d done with my release. On the day that I was to take my practical exam for Hypnotherapy Certification, I awoke to find my youngest in a near coma state. I calmly went out testing, getting juice into him and directing the others present on what we needed to do. When we got him stable, I asked someone to stay with him so I could text my teacher to say I would be late for class. Jaret asked me, are you as calm inside as you appear outside? Yes, I actually am. No fear, no anxiety, no anger at “howcouldyoudothistoyourselfonthedayI’msupposedtobewritingmyexam??!!!”
The Hawaiian Protocol works…. ❤